Finally breathing out

Budimir Šobat held his breath for 24 minutes and 37 seconds, but I’m letting out the breath I’ve been holding for a whole eighteen years and no one’s here to give me a medal.

Half my lifetime. That’s what it’s taken, along with so much more than I ever thought I could bear.

I was 17. Naive and nice. A good Christian girl making her way in the early noughties. As the year turned 2002 I met him, at a friend’s New Year’s Eve party. I never celebrate new years now. It’s only just dawned on me that might be why.

I’m forty in August. He’s forty in June. He was finally sentenced, and it’s likely he will die in prison, as an assessment has found he is “a very high risk of causing sexual harm to both adult women and younger females.”

Incidentally, eighteen years is how old my son is. He is ever so funny, and incredibly kind.

It’s not incidental really. My son’s premature birth was caused by the man who is now likely to die in prison. That man is my ex-husband and my children’s biological father.

I endured four and a half years of his abuse and sexual violence. When his sexual violence led to my second child’s premature birth, when I was 28 weeks pregnant, those circumstances gave me a way to (almost) escape him. Living fifty miles from our home in a neonatal intensive care unit with my toddler daughter meant he was unable to manipulate me back into living with him.

Months after I (almost) escaped, at York Crown Court, this man was found not guilty of raping me. This man’s dangerousness is not just that he raped every woman and girl he possibly could, but that after raping us, we would still do whatever he wanted.

Remarkably, this is the first time, in twenty years, that I have been able to write in the past tense about his rape of women and girls. To do so while he was still alive is something I never in my wildest dreams thought possible.

A few months ago, I did a police Subject Access Request to gain copies of my police statements from that time. I was unsure whether the sentencing assessments for his Scottish rape conviction in late 2023 would have easy access to English police records, and wanted to ensure that mine would be easily accessible.

The not guilty verdict in my case hinged on the fact he had coerced me into sexual activity while on bail for raping me. The stressors in my life at the time, when I was 21-years-old, included:

Husband a convicted sex offender.
Husband’s ongoing abuse of a teenager girl.
Husband raped me.
Baby son in intensive care, hospitalised for five months.
Toddler daughter’s trauma around all this.

It was in this context that my statement about his sexual contact with me while on bail was written: “The sex was with my full consent and I did not feel under any pressure. I did however feel due to the stress I am under, think I was not in a very good frame of mind.”

In good conscience, a police officer accepted this narrative and encouraged me to sign. No further questions were asked about whether I could meaningfully consent. They did not consider the rapist’s motives in coercing his victim into further sexual activity. No one in the case considereed this a breach of the rapist’s bail. To them, his further sexual abuse of me did not make him a more dangerous offender, it just made me a less credible witness.

Years later, I’ve heard various women describe tactics he had practiced on girls at school (starting when he was 13-years-old), perfected on me and then used with ease for two decades. Gaslighting women into believing they had wanted whatever he did to them; that it was them who had corrupted him into being a rapist. How does she know she’s been raped when he shames her for betraying her best friend by sleeping with him?

For eighteen years, I lived with the threat of him wielding the family court as a weapon against me. His last name burned my eyes every time we needed the kids’ passports or dealt with the kids’ bank accounts. I had to be resigned to this, to avoid him ever knowing he had any rights, or most terrifyingly, that he might seek to exercise his rights.

Once I remarried, as a family we sought to avoid some big Eastenders moment of “he’s not really your dad”, by having a regular conversation with the kids. “Who helped me to make you both?” “…And who does the job of being your daddy?” I never liked my husband being described as their step-dad, because the man who helped me make these precious and magnificent tiny humans was not their dad. They were all mine (except for a few vaguely relevant biological facts).

I once sat in a women’s church gathering where the female pastor stated that a child’s personality was related to where they were conceived. In a presentation that fell into the dictionary definition of TMI, she used her own children’s personalities to prove this point. I am sure it was naivety that led her to assume the “Personality Conception” concept (try saying that while drunk!) was a lovely idea and not an absolute trauma horror show for some of us.

Theodicy, how an all-powerful and good God can exist in an evil world, is a paradox that most theologians struggle to explain. But the embodied reality for women like me is that out of the most evil harm an abuser perpetrates can emerge the most pure love we have ever known; between us and our babies. We don’t get to wish the abuse had never been perpetrated because we can’t wish away the greatest gifts we ever got; tiny majestic humans. But such complexity can only be spoken in very hushed whispers, for we want our babies to know only love and goodness.

For the mothers of my babies’ siblings, the sentencing is absolutely life-changing. They are safe from him forever. He cannot wield the family court against them, he cannot control them in anyway. And I weep with relief to know that no woman or girl will ever be put through what we have.

But as I let out the breath I’ve been holding for twenty years, I wasn’t prepared to be weeping in grief. Two decades of feelings I couldn’t allow myself to feel, because the ongoing threat of his dangerousness meant living in survival mode, carried mostly in faith that God would protect my babies and me.

For now, I will fiercely feel love and joy for the women and babies who are free of him, with such relief that he can no longer hurt any other women or girls. In time, I know the grief will subside. And as my lungs recover, I shall learn what it is to breathe unencumbered.

You can read more about my story HERE.

The Man Behind the Curtain

I went to church yesterday.

The worship band played and a room full of people sang and praised God. I felt in awe of this miracle, in 2024, of a gathered community filled with people of different ages, life stages, races, ethnicities and social classes all coming together. In a world with ever increasing polarisations, where people are delighted to find spaces that welcome dogs but not babies, and where loneliness is at epidemic proportions, here, a diverse children and adults gathered to worship God.

After the songs, there’s a chance to chat for a few minutes (a sort of non-liturgical version of the Anglican “peace”). I checked in with the man who last week had been stabbed and his money robbed, who confided to me that he’d got “one of them” back, but was awaiting an opportunity to “get the other one”. I immediately regretted asking if the police could have helped him, realising that he would be immediately judged as not worth their time. The gathered group was beautiful and flawed and complicated.

Arriving at church yesterday morning, I particularly valued feeling part of the community as I reckon with my role agitating for change in light of ongoing allegations of abuse in evangelical Christianity. Almost a fortnight on from the release of Matt and Beth Redman’s “Let There Be Light” film, each day seems to bring with it more evidence of the toxic rot at the centre of evangelicalism.

The deafening silence of Archie Coates and HTB was broken in an outrageous article, published by Premier, which sought to exploit the Redman’s pain to flog tickets to their Leadership Conference (for only £499 you can sit in Band A’s Golden ~~Calf~~ Block). Following closely on, it emerged that rather than offering any moral leadership or deep theological reflection about their enmeshment with serial abuser Mike Pilavachi, HTB’s Youth Alpha would just edit his last name out of their video materials. A curious position to be taken by those audacious enough to hold themselves up as the curators of Christian LeadershipÔ.

Within Let There Be Light, Diane Langberg talks of how an abusive leader is protected, “How can this be true? This is a godly man. Look at all the things he or she has done. Look at the fruit that they’re bearing. How can there be anything bad going on? And I think about Soul Survivor, talking about these patterns where the people in the church almost see the leader as Christlike. They’re the important one. They’re the valued one. They’re the one who will bring us close to God. The one hundreds and hundreds, or thousands of people are coming to church for. And so how can any of that be…And so we want to protect the big person and not the little people, which for the record is totally unlike Jesus Christ.”

In fifteen years working to enable Christians to better understand abuse I would have agreed with this analysis. That is until last year. Upon learning that even Matt Redman and Tim Hughes could not get an actively abusive leader held to account, my hope for change was somewhat dimmed. As tumbleweed bounced its way across Christian culture, I knew that when the truth of who Mike Pilavachi had hurt became known, the silence would be broken; “market logic” dictates that allegiances must change extremely quickly. But the little ones still remain ignored. And still, we weep and weep and weep, with no comfort to offer.

Back at church, the chatting had finished and a video for the upcoming Alpha course was shown. I wanted to take it at face value; a meal each week with time for connection and discussion, with opportunities to build faith and learn about Jesus. I didn’t want the rage to set in at HTB’s ongoing dreadfulness. The video was slickly edited, with the slogan “stay curious” (which seemingly only applies to those who are uncurious about HTB’s silence around abuse). In church, we have seen lives transformed for some who joined previous Alpha courses. I tried to focus on that. But then lots of people described Soul Survivor as life-changing, and now we know that’s not really the whole story.

Next up was our church’s ongoing sermon series on spiritual disciplines, with this week’s theme being “service”. Contrasts were made between humble service and the self-serving actions of someone intent on building themselves up. Perhaps prior to Soul Survivor, I would have heard this sermon and not been uneasy. But story after story of Mike Pilavachi spiritually abusing people by declaring them prideful or ambitious has changed things. I pondered whether I could separate the church’s sermon from the toxic messages at Soul Survivor, but was left wondering how many people present may have been subject to toxic messages which manipulated servant-heartedness for nefarious or abusive purposes.

I am confident the preacher is practicing exactly what he was preaching and, alongside many in the church, he lives committed to serving people, particularly those who are most marginalised. However, I wasn’t able to disconnect from the stories of Soul Survivors and others who have been exploited, abused and traumatised by demands for servant-heartedness. Ironically, I was unable to chat this through with the preacher as he had to rush an injured congregation member to the hospital.

The rest of yesterday day I felt disoriented. After a strong start, feeling part of a counter-cultural community of people who love God and one another, I descended into deep discontent.

How do I hold onto the beauty of this community of believers when I know so much about the systems that the church is intertwined with? The Alpha course; that can’t even do meaningful thinking about their investment in Mike Pilavachi because they’ve been too busy ignoring the situation all year and are so arrogantly contemptuous of those that they are supposed to exist to serve that they think we won’t notice their moral bankruptcy, probably because most people won’t.

A sermon about service, which was intended as an encouragement to be a counter-cultural people unmotivated by selfish personal agendas is instead a reminder of all the traumatised and exploited people who bent over backwards to accommodate abusive leaders: until they totally snapped.

I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz after she sees the man behind the curtain. Except unlike the Wizard of Oz, there’s no quick pivot to the wizard being a “very good man”. There’s no smooth transition to Scarecrow getting an honorary degree in “thinkology”, or Lion getting a medal for courage, or Tin Man getting a heart shaped clock. And we’ve not been on a journey that reveals to us that we had everything that we needed all along. Instead we learn that the man behind the curtain is privately supporting the wicked witch, and he’s stood on a pile of bodies a mile high, and they’re insisting they’re doing it all in Jesus’ Name.

I don’t have any answers, but I’m writing this because I know I won’t be the only one trying to make sense of remaining in a Christian faith community while grappling with the systems of power which infect much of what evangelical faith communities rely upon. And, maybe, knowing that we’re not alone in trying to make sense of it all, maybe that is a step in the right direction.

Guest Post: Something stirring…

Photo by Gursharndeep Singh on Pexels.com

This post has been written by a woman who reported her experiences with Mike Pilavachi to investigators.

Pain and anger. Two states of being that I seem to be constantly flitting between at the moment.

The intensity of the pain is such that if I let myself go near it my chest hurts and I feel as though I cannot breathe.

I have been abused, neglected, exploited, and let down by those in positions of power within the Church.

God is good, but my experience of the Church has not been.

God is holy, but my experience of the Church has not been.

God is light, but my experience of the Church has not been.

God is love, but my experience of the Church has not been.

God is compassionate, but my experience of the Church has not been.

God is just, but my experience of the Church has not been.

I have kept silent for years. No one has explicitly forced me not to speak, yet I have felt compelled to keep silence.

Because of the power of the patriarchal system on which the Church has been built, with its subtle (and not-so-subtle) messaging about the lesser value of women in relation to men – especially men in leadership – and about how survivors should behave, about how they should forgive without harming the Church’s reputation, and so on and so forth…

Because of the shame that was unjustly put on me by men within this system.

And because of a false sense of loyalty towards those I now know feel no loyalty either towards me as a victim of abuse or towards justice.

But I can feel that compulsion towards keeping silence slowly being eroded and something stirring within me in its place.

Even after all that has been uncovered and shed light on this year – the abuse, the pain, the structures of power that enabled decades of harm – I see a continued drive towards power, dominance, and celebrity status within the Church. So many wanting to make a name for themselves and their organisations; so many voicing support for the system; so many with a vested interest in the status quo. Have we really learned so little this year?

The intensity of the anger within me is such that if I let myself go near it my chest hurts and I feel as though I cannot breathe.

God of all that is good, holy, light, love, compassionate and just… hear my prayer and heal your Church.

Soul Survivor and Those Who Cannot Remember the Past

On 19^th September, New Wine announced^[i] they would be reviewing their relationship with Mike Pilavachi and Soul Survivor after releasing a rather ill-advised statement distancing themselves from the substantiated allegations that Mike Pilavachi abused his power and massaged young male interns in his bedroom.^[ii] Few Christian organisations have been honest or transparent about their relationship with Mike Pilavachi since the allegations first became public. While a few have publicly lauded Mike Pilavachi (namely JJohn and Terry Virgo and some others on Pilavachi’s now deleted Facebook post about avoiding a “trial by media”),^[iii]few have been willing to examine their culpability in the midst of what has emerged at Soul Survivor.

As a result of all this, I thought it would be prudent to examine some the many and varied links between Mike Pilavachi and various key organisations and individuals over the last forty years. Given what is known about the harm Mike Pilavachi caused, I have been cautious to avoid focussing too much on those who were mentored by him, to avoid causing further distress. The familiar meme of Homer Simpson backing away slowly into a bush has come to mind repeatedly as I have watched the silence amongst UK Charismatic Christian leaders.

This blog is written as an attempt to stop more people hiding in that bush by rewriting their past relationship with Mike Pilavachi and Soul Survivor. All that remains to be said before getting into the past is a big thank you to all those who have been in touch to share parts of the story that has been told her.

Let’s start at the very beginning (well in the 1960s)

John Wimber became a Christian in the US in 1963 while he was working as a musician and music manager for the Righteous Brothers. After enrolling in college, he majored in Biblical and although he was ordained as a Quaker minister, he soon left this behind when the Quakers sought to limit his charismatic ministry. In 1974, he began working with Fuller Theological Seminary and by 1977, the house church Wimber had grown in Anaheim (a town about 30 minute’s drive from both Los Angeles and Fuller where he worked) eventually became named Vineyard Christian Fellowship as it joined the Vineyard network which had been founded by Kenn Gulliksen. In the UK, Anglican priest David Watson planted St Michael le Belfrey church in York in 1973 with his wife Anne.^[iv] He held a visiting teaching role at Fuller Seminary where he met John Wimber. In 1980, David Watson was one of the first people to bring John Wimber to the UK.^[v]

After having served as the Anglican bishop for Chile, Bolivia and Peru, Rev David Pytches and his wife Mary, moved back to the UK and David became vicar of St Andrews, Chorleywood (a small town, an hour’s drive west of London). Four years into this role, in 1981, they invited John Wimber to visit the church.^[vi] This visit had a profound impact on the church as did many of John Wimber’s and his team’s visits to churches across the UK. For instance, the following year, 1982, Wimber visited Holy Trinity Brompton (HTB) under Sandy Millar’s leadership after an introduction from David Watson, which had a huge impact on the way HTB developed.^[vii]

Just before this, John Mumford was working as a curate in the West Country and along with his wife Eleanor, they experienced God moving in a charismatic way.^[viii] In 1982, John Mumford was in the US at the invitation of David Watson, and after hearing from Watson about Wimber’s ministry, John Mumford uncharacteristically showed up unannounced in Anaheim and experienced the Vineyard church and Wimber for himself; soon after he became part of the Vineyard staff team in Anaheim.^[ix] By 1984, UK New Frontiers founder Terry Virgo had also connected with John Wimber, visiting him in Anaheim after being introduced by a mutual friend Geoff Shearn who worked at Kingsway music.^[x]

Wimber visited St Andrews many times,^[xi] with the church holding regular residential leaders’ gatherings for Christian ministers from across the UK. Another St Andrews member, Barry Kissell led “faith sharing teams” that visited churches across the UK, teaching others how to do charismatic ministry. Kissell went on to also have a leadership role in St Marys, Marylebone. Although by this point David Watson had sadly died, John Wimber and his team began leading large UK charismatic conferences from 1984 onwards, organised by David Pytches. These included events in Westminster Central Hall, Sheffield, Harrogate, Brighton and Wembley (the Brighton events were in partnership with New Frontiers).^[xii] Through these events, John and Eleanor Mumford felt called to leave Anglican ministry and established Europe’s and the UK’s first Vineyard church plant in 1987, in Putney (South West London). It was at this time that David Pytches’ daughter, Debby, began working as an intern at Anaheim Vineyard with John Wright (Debby and her husband John, would go on to take over UK Vineyard leadership from the Mumfords in 2015). In this same year, 1987, an almost thirty-year-old Mike Pilavachi was now leading the youth work at St Andrews with 13-year-old Matt Redman in his youth group.^[xiii]

At the other end of England, around this time, in 1988, a young Andy Hawthorne and his brother Simon organised a large event, Message’88 in Manchester. With 300 events run in advance of the event itself, thousands of young people heard about Jesus. By the following year, this one off event had become a mission to take the Message to Schools, with a group of Christians setting up a band, the World Wide Message Tribe to do this work.

The New Wine Years

Back in the south of England, a vision for a national gathering of Christians emerged out of the conferences John Wimber was leading, with Wimber himself donating £3000 as a “seed gift” to get this endeavour started.^[xiv] In 1989, the first New Wine event was held at the Royal Bath and West Showground with nearly 2,500 participants.^[xv] Mike Pilavachi headed up the youth work for the first and subsequent events.^[xvi] By 1991 he had been joined in leading the youth work by Steve Chalke and David Westlake. During this time, youth sessions included worship from Matt Redman and Cutting Edge, a music project set up by Martin Smith and Tim Jupp for running youth outreach events in West Sussex. Cutting Edge went on to become much more famously known as the band Delirious?^[xvii]

Within a couple of years of New Wine, the vision for a separate youth festival had emerged, with Barry Kissell telling Mike Pilavachi that he had “outgrown” the youth ministry at St Andrews.^[xviii] The first Soul Survivor festival was held in 1993 with the youth team from New Wine and JJohn (now a Canon) providing teaching. There were around 2000 participants. Soon after this, Mike Pilavachi and a team from St Andrews Chorleywood planted Soul Survivor Watford, a church primarily focussed on young people. Soul Survivor festival was formally run under New Wine’s governance until 1999,^[xix] when the limited company, Soul Survivor, was founded with six directors; David Westlake, Joyce Wills, John Price, Peter Maskrey, David Pytches and Graham Cray.^[xx]

While slightly off topic, given that JJohn was the main Bible teacher at Soul Survivor, JJohn was made a Lay Canon in 2003 by Coventry Cathedral, but has never been ordained in the Church of England. His Canon status was bolstered sometime after 2009, when David Carr, long-time leader of the Renewal Christian Centre in Solihull (near Birmingham), established himself as Bishop Abbott of the Order of St Leonard and Bishop of Wroxhall Abbey, after convincing Wroxall Abbey Hotel, which is a “a luxurious and historic 72-bedroom hotel” and wedding venue, to let him.^[xxii] At some point since then, JJohn has been ordained as a Canon Missioner in the Order of St Leonard.^[xxiii]

Another off topic incidental. As mentioned in THIS post, Mark Bailey was removed both from New Wine leadership and ordained ministry in the Church of England due to his behaviour being dishonouring of God. After a brief employment at Hope For Justice (I’ve extensively documented on this blog how their co-founder Ben Cooley was sacked for gross misconduct), Mark Bailey now leads Encounter Vineyard church in Cheltenham. Seems the shared rootedness in John Wimber does not lead Vineyard to avoid employing men sacked by New Wine.

I digress.

Soul Survivor projects

Many projects either emerged from or were connected to the Soul Survivor festivals.

Soul Action (Tearfund)

David Westlake began to work at Tearfund as Youth Director in 1996, ^[xxiv] and from there a strong partnership was built between Tearfund and Soul Survivor, through Soul Action which was incorporated as a company in 1994.^[xxv] Money raised at Soul Survivor festivals would be donated to Tearfund projects, Tearfund employees would deliver seminars on justice at Soul Survivor, and much of Soul Survivor’s commitment to justice was outworked through Tearfund projects and the ability for young people to support these projects with money and volunteering efforts. Some Soul61 young people and those who previously worked at Soul Survivor also went onto be employed by Teafund within David Westlake’s team.

Survivor Records (Kingsway Music/David C Cook)

Given the priority given to worship music at New Wine and then Soul Survivor, Survivor Records was established in 1997 by Les Moir as a subsidiary of Kingsway Music (whose parent company is David C Cook),^[xxvi] to bring the new worship artists at these festivals to a new audience. Artists represented by them included: Matt Redman, Tim Hughes, Vicky Beeching, Brenton Brown, Beth Croft, Phatfish, LZ7, YFriday and others. It was also David C Cook who published a number of projects co-authored by Mike Pilavachi and Andy Croft, including Everyday Supernatural (2014), Lifelines (2018), and Storylines DVD and Small Group Guide (2019).

Soul Survivor Mini Mag

From 1995, the Soul Survivor Magazine was published every other month,^[xxvii] in association with Tearfund, the magazine was published by New Wine and edited by Mike Pilavachi. On occasion David Westlake and Liz Biddulph were Managing Editors on occasions, with both of these individuals and David and Jenny Rosser also acting as Consultants on some magazine issues. Regular contributors to the magazine included Craig Borlase (who was also an occasional editor), Graham Cray and his daughter Catherine, Andy Hawthorne, JJohn, Mary Pytches, Beth and Matt Redman, Dawn Reynolds, David Westlake, and Steve Chalke.

Hope Together (Youth for Christ and The Message Trust)

Roy Crowne began as Director of Youth for Christ in 1998. He built a strong friendship with Mike Pilavachi and Andy Hawthorne at the Message Trust. He sought to work with them both in collaboration, rather than competition, to enable more young people across the UK to come to know Jesus. Roy Crowne explains that, “HOPE Together grew out of the friendship and trust that had grown between we three guys.”^[xxviii] Until 2018, both Mike Pilavachi and Andy Hawthorne were Directors of Hope (alongside Rachel Jordan and Laurence Singlehurst), with Roy Crowne as Executive Director.^[xxix] In the year 2000, the Message partnered with Soul Survivor to run Message 2000, an event across Manchester in which over 5000 young people participated. This was followed up in 2004 with Soul in the City in London and Soul In The City Durban in 2009. After Roy Crowne left Youth for Christ in 2010 to become Executive Director of Hope, Gav Calver (now CEO of the Evangelical Alliance) took over as CEO at Youth for Christ.^[xxx] While we’re talking about the Evangelical Alliance, Steve Clifford (Gav Calver’s predecessor at Evangelical Alliance CEO) was the Soul Survivor leadership team Chair, the Chair of Hope ’08, and the Chair of Soul in the City (according to his LinkedIn).

Incidentally, David Westlake founded the Cinnamon Network with Matt Bird (they’ve recently rebranded as NAYBA) and Matt Bird describes himself as a “strategic adviser” to Soul In The City and Hope.^[xxxi] Another incidental is that Laurence Singlehurst’s daughter, Keira Phyo, previously worked for Tearfund alongside David Westlake and now works for Lambeth Palace. Another link between Soul Survivor and Lambeth Palace is David Saunderson. Saunderson was a Director of the Lambeth Trust from 2012 until July 2023,^[xxxii] and was also a Director of Soul61 from 2013 until 31st March 2023,^[xxxiii] two days before the Church of England and Soul Survivor issued statements about Mike Pilavachi stepping down. The Lambeth Trust supports the work and mission of present and former Archbishops of Canterbury. In 2020, Archbishop Justin Welby awarded Mike Pilavachi the Alphege Award for Evangelism and Witness.

LIV Village

While it is not entirely clear how Mike Pilavachi became involved with Tich and Joan Smith, they are the co-founders of LIV Village,^[xxxiv] a set of projects in various places across South Africa which provide homes, love and faith to orphans and other vulnerable children and young people. The UK branch of the charity exists to support their work. David Westlake was a founding trustee of the charity and Mike Pilavachi resigning as a trustee only after allegations emerged in April 2023.^[xxxv] The LIV Village choir would perform at Soul Survivor festivals and Mike Pilavachi, his interns and others connected to Soul Survivor would visit their projects in South Africa.

Church of England ordinations

Each year Soul Survivor ran seminars to encourage participants to discern whether they were called to ordination in the Church of England. From this, many younger, charismatic people ordained in the church of England discovered their calling, at least in part, due to Soul Survivor.^[xxxvi] This led Nicky Gumbel to state that almost every one of his 25 clergy at HTB testified that Mike Pilavachi was, “the main reason, humanly speaking, that they had been ordained.”^[xxxvii]

Soul Edge Ministries

This is a leadership training resource with gap year locations in Canada and New Zealand and has run since 2007/08ish.^[xxxviii] It was set up by two of Mike Pilavachi’s interns and he supported the project and subsequently platformed the gap year at Soul Survivor festivals. Until very recently, a lot of the publicity for the gap year came from their connection to Soul Survivor and Mike Pilavachi. It is understood than most of their students will have signed up through seeing the stand at Soul Survivor festivals.

Co-authored books

The foreword of Mike Pilavachi’s book Soul Survivor (2004) was written by Nicky Gumbel, who until recently was the leader of HTB (a church deeply infused by John Wimber’s theology).^[xxxix] As an aside, long-time HTB staff member and friend of Nicky Gumbel, Mark Elsdon-Dew has apparently been supporting Mike Pilavachi since the allegations emerged in April. I mean I guess that’s what one would do for one’s friend’s co-author…

Mike has also co-authored books with Craig Borlase (Live the Life, 2006. Afterlife, 2000. My First Trousers, 1999. For the Audience of One, 1999. Weeping Before An Empty Tomb, 2000. Life, Death and Everything In-Between, 2001). Craig has also co-authored a book with Martin Smith of Delirious. Liza Hoeksma is another of Mike Pilavachi’s co-authors (When Necessary Use Words, 2007. Soul Food for Youth Workers, 2009.) Liza has also co-authored two books with Patrick Regan and other books with Ali Martin, and with Tich and Joan Smith. The NIV Soul Survivor Journalling Bible was developed by Ali Martin, Andy Croft, Mike Pilavachi and team.^[xl]

As Soul Survivor festival and church grew, both in influence and numbers, Mike Pilavachi became involved in various projects and initiatives. From 1998 – 2000 he was a trustee of the Evangelical Alliance,^[xli] and was instrumental in the setting up of student organisation Fusion (which had a presence at all subsequent Soul Survivor festivals and ran their student content).^[xlii] Mike Pilavachi was a Trustee for XLP in London (found by Patrick Regan) from 2007 – 2017, with XLP a regular presence at Soul Survivor. In 2018 he joined the Council of Reference for Christ Church London^[xliii] and in 2011 – 2012 trained for Anglican ordination in the HTB affiliated St Mellitus college. Questions are now being raised as to if/how Pilavachi was fast tracked through the ordination process.

Other connections

Alongside sitting on various boards and lending his influence to different projects and initiatives, Mike Pilavachi was a regular contributor to many different events and training programmes. These include:

Spring Harvest (speaker from 1990 onwards).
Imagine Festival, Inverurie (this Scottish festival was eventually taken over by Soul Survivor).
HTB Youth Alpha video series.
New Frontiers (leadership training and conferences).
Holy Trinity Church, Cambridge (annual speaker and friend of the church).
Kingsgate Community Church, Peterborough (speaker at the European Learning Community events, 2013 onwards).
Ichthus Revive (most recently 2022).
St Pauls, Hammersmith.
Hillsong Australia (spoke at their annual conference the same year as Michael Gugliemucci was sharing his made-up testimony).^[xliv]
Church of Ireland (spoke at their youth festival, Summer Madness).
St John’s College, Nottingham (brought teams to lead chapel, worship and preach and was Honourary President).
Worship Central (regular speaker).
UCCF (spoke at their annual training event).
Trinity College, Bristol (lectured for them).
Care for the Family (contributed to their Getting Your Kids Through Church resource).^[xlv]
Open Doors (contributed to their youth content).
YWAM (Soul Survivor started a church in YWAM’s Harpenden base, Holmsted Manor).
Scripture Union (partnered with Soul Survivor for the festival each year.^[xlvi]
Woodlands Church, Bristol (hosted Naturally Supernatural events in 2022 and 2023).^[xlvii]
Living Out (Mike endorsed their work).^[xlviii]
St Peters High School, Gloucester (Spoke at a Friday night chaplaincy evening called Ignite – 2017).
Anaheim Vineyard (speaker, 2015/16).
Croydon Vineyard (pastors Tom and Lesley Thompson were at Soul Survivor Watford and Mike Pilavachi mentored Tom).
Trent Vineyard – Debby and John Wright’s church (preached numerous times at conferences and as a visiting speaker over many years and opened the church’s youth centre).
Causeway Coast Vineyard (speaker at events).
US – National Pastors Convention (2003 – 2005)
US – National Youth Workers Convention (2003 – 2005)
First Presbyterian Church of Honolulu (Speaking at the Hawaiian Islands Ministry (HIM) Conference).
South West Youth Ministries (Mike Pilavachi was their Patron and spoke at many of the conference over the years).

Since Soul Survivor ended in 2019, there are three other significant connections that are worth mentioning. As Mike Pilavachi closed down Soul Survivor, he did so having approached a few different organisations to pass on the “Christian youth festival” baton. These were:

Youthscape, who used the baton (which included a significant donation from Soul Survivor) to set up their Satellites festival.
Vineyard, who used the baton with their Dream The Impossible (DTI) festival (which had previously taken place in May) by moving it to the summer.^[xlix]
Elim’s Limitless festival.^[l]

What now?

It struck me as I’ve been pulling all these threads together that we are sixty years on from when John Wimber became a Christian and God was revealed in fresh and exciting ways to Christians in the US and UK. In tracing where Soul Survivor and Mike Pilavachi came from, I have seen the extraordinary ways God moved, ushering in new worship styles and breathing new life into the UK Church. But I was struck by how the Spirit’s move was no protection from power abuse or misuse within those communities.

Vineyard Anaheim reckons with the damage wreaked by Alan Scott and others. Hillsong clings on, even as the Houston’s stranglehold crushes out the Spirit. Soul Survivor continues to establish just how badly their systems failed. Many other unknown cases of abuse and mistreatment at the hands of Christian leaders rumble on, as those who have been trampled drag themselves onward, their faith only a smouldering wick, for some faith has been totally blown out. As God moved through John Wimber and others, they saw the signs of the times. They understood that God was calling them to a new expression of faithfulness; complete with electric guitars, wacky experiences and a sold-out love for Jesus. They saw the way that other forms of faith had been corrupted or stripped of power and they sought, with great enthusiasm to follow where Jesus was leading.

Right now, we are in a reckoning. God is shining a light on that which has remained in the darkness. Those with the power (some of whom have been mentioned by name in this blog) are so settled in their places, so comfortable in their power, that they fail to see God moving this time round. When John Wimber visited the UK back in the eighties, these people were young and idealistic, still relatively powerless in the grand scheme of things. But now they are the elder statesmen of Christian culture. They tell their stories of the Spirit moving and they convince themselves that this wave of abuse disclosures will disintegrate into nothingness. Surely this generation is simply too fragile? Of course Mike Pilavachi could be a bit difficult, but isn’t that always the way with gifted men? Soon everything will calm down and we can get back to the way we built things to be?

But they’ve forgotten who invited them to the party. The Holy Spirit moved and they found themselves in the flow of what God was doing. They build their big ships to travel on those waters more easily, and now they think their ships are where the Spirit is at. They think their ships are what matter. But as those who landed in Malta all of those years ago discovered, sometimes the ship will be smashed to pieces.^[li]

For the sake of those most wounded I hope those with power, who felt that move of the Spirit all those years ago, will wake up to what that same Spirit is saying to us right now. But regardless of whether they get onboard, I have every confidence that the same Spirit which changed the face of UK Christianity decades ago, will succeed in moving us to where we need to be. Even if some ships have to be smashed in the process.

—————————–

So far, of those identified above as having a relationship with Mike Pilavachi,these organisations have offered transparent and helpful responses:

Youthscape made a statement HERE.
Croydon Vineyard wrote an article HERE.
South West London Vineyard published THIS on Spiritual Abuse and included acknoweldgement of their relationship with Mike Pilavachi in THIS September 2023 sermon (transcription of some of it HERE).

This blog was edited on 25th September 2023 as it had incorrectly stated that JJohn had never been made a Canon in the Church of England, when he is a Lay Canon.

^[i] https://archive.ph/AJFKS

^[ii] https://twitter.com/newwineengland/status/1702004212429992206?s=46

^[iii] https://archive.ph/2023.07.17-212202/https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/07/17/backlash-church-leaders-praise-soul-survivor-mike-pilavachi/

^[iv] https://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/14028354.york-church-celebrates-50th-anniversary-of-famous-vicars-arrival/

^[v] https://yournameislikehoney.com/2021/11/12/part-ten-when-wimber-met-htb-part-1-of-2/

^[vi] https://web.archive.org/web/20220116105241/https://www.vineyardchurches.org.uk/vineyard-vaults/real-not-religious/

^[vii] https://www.vineyardchurches.org.uk/resources/remembering-john-wimber/

^[viii] https://vineyardusa.org/library/the-global-vineyard-meet-john-mumford/

^[ix] https://vineyardusa.org/library/the-global-vineyard-meet-john-mumford/

^[x] http://www.nigelring.org/40-years-on-3-conferences-in-the-80s/

^[xi] https://newwine.medium.com/from-power-house-to-kitchen-to-showground-d8ff1ec2a57d,https://yournameislikehoney.com/2021/11/12/part-ten-when-wimber-met-htb-part-1-of-2/

^[xii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW5nAXCUA_Y

^[xiii] https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/07/13/christian-singer-matt-redman-healing-soul-survivor/

^[xiv] https://newwine.medium.com/from-power-house-to-kitchen-to-showground-d8ff1ec2a57d

^[xv]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Wine#:~:text=The%20first%20New%20Wine%20Christian,and%20attracted%20nearly%202%2C500%20people.

^[xvi] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW5nAXCUA_Y (18:01)

^[xvii]https://www.crossrhythms.co.uk/articles/music/Les_Moir_Survivor_Records_Visionary__And_A_Pretty_Funky_Bass_Player/25891/p1/

^[xviii] https://archive.ph/w1ls0

^[xix] https://x.com/needs_light/status/1702351254012272976?s=20

^[xx] HERE

^[xxi] http://hearthofmopsus.blogspot.com/2018/03/re-emergence.html

^[xxii] https://wahotel.co.uk

^[xxiii] http://www.orderofstleonard.org/team/

^[xxiv] https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-westlake-b5435811/

^[xxv] https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/company/02917078/filing-history?page=4

^[xxvi]https://www.crossrhythms.co.uk/articles/music/Les_Moir_Survivor_Records_Visionary__And_A_Pretty_Funky_Bass_Player/25891/p1/

^[xxvii] https://issuu.com/soulsurvivoruk/2

^[xxviii] https://www.revelationtrust.org/relationships-rule/

^[xxix] HERE

^[xxx] https://premierchristian.news/en/news/article/gavin-calver-leaves-yfc-for-ea

^[xxxi] https://www.matt-bird.com

^[xxxii] https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/company/07884895/officers

^[xxxiii] https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/company/07705162/filing-history?page=2

^[xxxiv] https://www.liv-village.com/our-story/

^[xxxv] https://register-of-charities.charitycommission.gov.uk/charity-search?p_p_id=uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet&p_p_lifecycle=2&p_p_state=maximized&p_p_mode=view&p_p_resource_id=%2Faccounts-resource&p_p_cacheability=cacheLevelPage&_uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet_objectiveId=A12261853&_uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet_priv_r_p_mvcRenderCommandName=%2Faccounts-and-annual-returns&_uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet_priv_r_p_organisationNumber=5009582

^[xxxvi] https://livingchurch.org/2019/09/14/soul-survivor-festival-ends-26-year-run-in-church-of-england/

^[xxxvii] https://x.com/God_loves_women/status/1658531348347342848?s=20

^[xxxviii] https://www.souledge.org/team

^[xxxix] https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/334841524744

^[xl] https://www.amazon.co.uk/NIV-Soul-Survivor-Journalling-Bible/dp/1473696739

^[xli] https://www.eauk.org

^[xlii] https://www.fusionmovement.org

^[xliii] https://register-of-charities.charitycommission.gov.uk/charity-search?p_p_id=uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet&p_p_lifecycle=2&p_p_state=maximized&p_p_mode=view&p_p_resource_id=%2Faccounts-resource&p_p_cacheability=cacheLevelPage&_uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet_fileName=0001111950_AC_20180731_E_C.pdf&_uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet_objectiveId=A9232784&_uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet_priv_r_p_mvcRenderCommandName=%2Faccounts-and-annual-returns&_uk_gov_ccew_onereg_charitydetails_web_portlet_CharityDetailsPortlet_priv_r_p_organisationNumber=4019022

^[xliv] https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9422751/Aussie-Hillsong-pastor-faked-having-cancer-hide-porn-habit-starts-charity-homeless.html

^[xlv] https://www.eauk.org/great-commission/resources/getting-your-kids-through-church

^[xlvi] https://www.lendrickmuir.org.uk/events/creperie-soul-survivor/

^[xlvii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=h7a0yIbs0XI

^[xlviii] https://twitter.com/mattdrapps/status/1700860993633415381?s=46

^[xlix] https://dreamingtheimpossible.org

^[l] https://www.elim.org.uk/Groups/310950/LIMITLESS.aspx

^[li] Acts 26 – 28.

Previous blogs:

Losing hope for justice

Anti-trafficking charity, Hope for Justice are yet to respond to serious concerns raised HERE and HEREabout their founder and ex-CEO, Ben Cooley. US-based charity, Sole Hope who provide health support in Uganda are yet to respond after THIS guest blog raised concerns of the charity’s racism, financial mismanagement and mistreatment of staff. Current Hope For Justice CEO, Tim Nelson is implicated within harm Sole Hope caused staff, and has also not responded to any of the articles.

Many questions have been raised about Ben Cooley’s conduct, the relationship between him and his successor Tim Nelson and their setting up of a consultancy firm, and his personal and professional relationship with US-based charity Sole Hope. UK-based readers may be more familiar with Hope for Justice, US-readers will probably be more familiar with Abolition International, Christian singer songwriter Natalie Grant’s charity. In 2014, Abolition International merged with Hope for Justice.

In mid-December, Sole Hope announced their UK launch in THIS Instagram video, headed up by UK-based Phil Smith. Their founder, Asher Telleen, is currently in a relationship with Hope for Justice’s founder and disgraced CEO, Ben Cooley. Hope for Justice remain unwilling to disclose what Cooley was sacked for, unlike 24-7 Prayer, who late last year offered transparent communications HERE about allegations of serious misconduct by their International Team Leader Mike Andrea, in his work at Global Generation Church in Kent (the allegations against him can be found on THIS blog from Steph Dickinson). Recognising that there may be others who have been hurt, 24-7 Prayer’s initial statement says, “anyone else who wishes to make any kind of complaint to come forward by contacting Elisa Alberto, one of our trustees, via the dedicated email: contact@igniteand.com. Any communication will be handled discreetly and with confidentiality.”

24-7 Prayer seem to be handling the situation with transparency and responsibility, seeking to ensure others who may have been harmed can make a disclosure if they choose to. 24-7 Prayer is a Christian prayer movement; they are not an organisation working to address abuse, particularly abuse towards women. And yet, they have taken strong, transparent action regarding allegations of abuse. Which is why it is deeply disturbing that Hope for Justice, an organisation set up primarily to address men’s abuse and violation of women, has never taken such steps.

While we remain in the dark about why Ben Cooley was sacked, questions persist about whether his behaviour involved power misuse (particularly towards women), whether any of his sackable behaviour constituted sexual harassment, and whether it involved misuse of charitable funds. What we do know from THIS guest blog is that Cooley did have an extra-marital affair with Asher Telleen. The impact on Ben’s wife Debs and their daughters must be brutally painful; particularly given that Debs co-founded Hope for Justicewith Ben and will have given much of her life since then to support the charity. That Cooley’s behaviour took place during a global pandemic must compound the challenges his family face.

By refusing to honestly answer questions about Cooley’s sackable conduct, Hope for Justice are facilitating Cooley in rebuilding his platform. It is unclear whether efforts he made to build his own platform while at Hope for Justice were paid for out of his own pocket, or whether they were funded by Hope for Justice and worked on by Hope for Justice’s staff. If the latter is the case, questions must be raised about whether this was a legal or ethical use of Hope for Justice funds and whether Hope for Justice required Cooley to pay back any funds spent on personal platform building when he was sacked for gross misconduct.

In mid-October, Ben Cooley disclosed on his Facebook page painful information about his childhood. Messages flooded in from across his network, cheering him on and offering support, including high profile voices who have remained silent about Cooley’s gross misconduct. Apparently Ben Cooley deserves more support than the wife and daughters he has abandoned. Using a personal history of having been a victim to perform a bait and switch that allows Cooley to no longer be the bad guy is not only manipulative, but it perpetuates the harmful myth that being abused makes someone more likely to be abusive; stigmatising victims and colluding with abusers.

Ben Cooley is not the victim of a spiritual attack, he is a perpetrator of harm. He has harmed his family, the organisation he founded and the witness of the Gospel. While redemption has always been part of the Christian tradition, the cheap grace which refuses to acknowledge the horror of sin and the pain humans choose to cause other humans devalues the Gospel and colludes with powerful men. Hope for Justice, for all their values and fancy name have diminished hope and are refusing transparency to ensure that justice cannot be done.

Jesus’ words in Matthew 23:27-28 come to mind, “Woe to you…you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”

In July 2021, Hope for Justice’s current Interim US Partnerships Manager Drü Collie (ex-husband of Cooley’s current partner Asher Telleen) publicly endorsed Cooley on LinkedIn: “Ben is a big mind. He thinks about things that the rest of us overlook. As a result, he created an international organization and led his team to discover deeper insights and world-changing ideas. Ben is business savvy and that is complemented by his creative acumen, fastidiousness, and mastery of storytelling. He’s a pro and is definitely someone you want on your side of the table.”

I cannot imagine how painful it must for those who have been hurt by Cooley, including his wife and children, to know that current senior Hope for Justice staff are supporting Ben.

Back in February 2016, Mark Bailey stepped down from leadership of New Wine (a UK-based Christian event and network of churches) after he had an extramarital affair. When powerful men have affairs, it is always an abuse of their power. There is a Christian moral imperative to remain in marital faithfulness, but when someone (almost always a man) has high power and status, an affair will inevitably be conducted with someone less powerful. In order to maintain that affair, the powerful man will misuse his power with others within the organisation, lying and manipulating those around him. In Christian contexts, that manipulation may include misusing and abusing spiritual or theological principles.

Just over a year after being removed from New Wine leadership, in May 2017, Mark Bailey was employed as Strategic Partnerships Director at Hope for Justice. An organisation dedicated to addressing some of the most egregious forms of power misuse (human trafficking) employed a high profile Christian leader who had misused his power. This role was a bridge to Bailey becoming Lead Pastor of Cheltenham-based Encounter Church in January 2019. It is interesting then, that in November 2021, New Wine and Hope for Justice announced a partnership, with Hope for Justice sponsoring their 2022 leadership conference. Given that Hope for Justice employed New Wine’s disgraced most senior leader less than five years ago, this seems an interesting approach to take.

Phil and Sarah Smith began leading Manchester-based Vinelife church in 2008. It became a Jesus Culture affiliated church in 2015. And in March 2021, the church announced, in a now deleted post:

“On Monday 8th March, Phil (Smith) made us aware of unfaithfulness in his marriage that had happened over a period of time. The Trustees and Senior Team agreed that this conduct was unacceptable and incompatible with his role as Senior Leader and during an ongoing HR process, Phil offered his resignation on Thursday 11th.

Sarah will take a period of compassionate leave. We are fully committed to supporting her and the children at such a difficult time and to helping both Phil and Sarah navigate the path toward restoration for the whole family.”

The passive language within the statement is interesting. Phil did not actively cheat on his wife, there was a passive “unfaithfulness in his marriage”. But putting that aside, it is interesting that Sole Hope UK will be led by the same Phil Smith, who less than a year ago was removed from church leadership after having an affair.

Another interesting turn of events relates to Ben Cooley’s parents, Anne and Chris Cooley. They run New Hope Uganda (UK), set up to provide “Fundraising and sponsorship to support a Christian charity in Uganda which provides education, health and welfare services.” Their organisation’s registered charity number is 1171909. It transpires that this charity number is no longer called New Hope Uganda UK, but is instead the charitable number for Sole Hope.

Sole Hope’s US-Board has five members. Asher Telleen (Ben Cooley’s current partner), Bridgitte Hatfield, Jessica Faulkner, Gareth Henderson (whose name is wrongly spelled on their 990 form) and Tom Lister. Gareth Henderson was previously a Board member for Hope for Justice’s project the Slave Free Alliance, while actor Tom Lister was Hope for Justice’s UK Partnerships Coordinator; having previously completed a Europe-wide cycle with Ben Cooley to raise funds for Hope for Justice in 2013.

Having been sacked from Hope for Justice for gross misconduct, Ben Cooley seems to be growing influence and power throughout Sole Hope’s US and UK work. This is concerning given that he was fired, less than a year ago, for conduct that remains unknown and could be related to sexual harassment and financial mismanagement. Those concerns grow in light of Ben Cooley’s and Tim Nelson’s willingness to take $1000s in consultancy from Sole Hope while Ugandan staff survived on a 25% pay cut. Though perhaps Tim Nelson’s business relationship with Ben Cooley sheds some light on why Hope for Justice remain unwilling to be transparent about Ben Cooley’s gross misconduct.

Thankfully, it seems that those who have been hurt by Sole Hope have a hope greater than the organisation they worked for, but it is likely that many will have lost a significant amount of hope for justice given the way that Hope for Justice has behaved.

I don’t bring light to this situation because I want to bring into disrepute the church, Christian charities or individuals. There is a quote from an unknown writer on my wall that is often falsely attributed to Augustine. It says, “Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are.”

I am angry at the harm that has been caused. I am angry that influential Christians continue to support Ben Cooley. I am angry that there is so little justice for those who have been hurt. My hope is rooted and found in Jesus whose love is for all and whose ministry empowered the powerless; overturning tables and speaking truth to the powerful. And it is in Him that I take courage to challenge these individuals and systems, forever taking heart with confident hope that in the end, Jesus has overcome the world.

Some questions:

Do Sole Hope supporters and staff know that Ben Cooley seems to have amassed an inordinate amount of power over both the UK and US Sole Hope boards?
When will Hope for Justice live up to their name and enable justice by being transparent about why Ben Cooley was sacked?
Why are some Hope for Justice staff still supporting Ben Cooley?
Why does Ben Cooley seem to be establishing a club for powerful Christian men who misuse their power and cheat on their wives?
What responsibility do the Sole Hope board have for safeguarding the organisation against unfaithful men who have misused power representing Sole Hope?
Should New Wine be in partnership with Hope for Justice now this information has come to light?
When will those who are still supporting Ben Cooley begin to hold him to account for the harm he has caused?

Learning from women?

Scrolling through Twitter I found an image of four men (three with beards) announcing a podcast episode entitled “WHAT JESUS LEARNED FROM WOMEN”. The irony meter screamed so loudly I was surprised those in the photo hadn’t heard it.

It was only after the Two Cities collaborative podcast and blog were inundated with comments (that it was outrageous to have a podcast about what Jesus learned from women with no women present) that it seems some of the team acknowledged this had been a Bad Call. The podcast episode featured theologian and educator, Dr James F McGrath and was him and three other men discussing his book What Jesus Learned From Women. I say some of the team, because at least two of them have doubled down on their decision to run the podcast with four men, labelling at least one of their critics a “lazy troll”.

I haven’t come across Two Cities or Dr James F McGrath before so knew nothing about the podcast or his work, but did spend some of today interacting McGrath. I was curious as to why he hadn’t insisted on having women as part of the podcast. His responses included that 1) men should be having conversations about sexism even when women are not in the room, 2) “Advocating for the historically marginalized should be done by those who were historically the problem and not just by those who historically were victims of the oppression” , 3) why am I “attacking” the good guys who are “genuinely predominantly diverse, representative and inclusive”, and 4) I should ask the podcast why they hadn’t included women.

Engaging with these points seems important, given that McGrath’s and the Two Cities response seems characteristic of progressive men more generally. I think there is something that can be learned and some pitfalls (or huge gaping chasms) that could be avoided if there is a desire to do better. I mean if Jesus can learn from women, then maybe male podcast hosts and interviewees can too! Who knows…?

Men should be having conversations about sexism even when women are not in the room

Platforms are different to rooms. Platforms are where the power is. People enter and leave rooms. People are invited onto platforms. As such, platforms should not exist without women. In male-only rooms, of course men should maintain anti-sexist values, call out toxic masculinity and advocate for women’s rights. However, when a man is invited onto a platform, he can set parameters for involvement in that platform. Men can ask whether women will be on the platform, and if not, either offer skilled women to join or otherwise decline to join the platform. Take note, men invited onto platforms.

No one involved in the podcast episode was concerned enough about the lack of women’s voices to change what took place. And that comes from a place of comfort with how things are. Women don’t have that luxury. We notice when we’re not present or when we’re the lone woman in the room. We notice when we’re assumed to be the note-taker, care-giver, adultery threat. Men, particularly white, middle-class, able bodied men, get to move through the world not noticing themselves, not recognising who is missing, because they are the default from which all else is noticed.

“Advocating for the historically marginalized should be done by those who were historically the problem and not just by those who historically were victims of the oppression.”

Men are still the problem. This is not a historic issue. It is a current one. Absolutely, men need to be part of brining change, but very often that will be less about platforms and more about day-to-day life lived differently. Challenging sexism from other men, making dinner, doing the emotional labour, parenting kids, caring for elderly relatives, passing platform opportunities to women. Any advocating from the platform must, wherever possible, take place from platforms where women are already present. Men’s advocating must include insisting women are present in all places of power, rather than in speaking for us.

Why am I “attacking” the good guys who are “genuinely predominantly diverse, representative and inclusive”?

When I saw the podcast advert, I knew nothing about Two Cities. My only interaction was via a manel talking about what Jesus learned from women. I shared this image captioned with RAGING. After which, I then interacted with McGrath. It is interesting that such engagement is characterised as an “attack”. I’ve spent the last week doing a load of media interviews about men’s violence towards women. The murder of Sarah Everard by a serving police officer, the death of Sabina Nessa and lack of coverage due to the colour of her skin, the ongoing failure of justice systems to protect women and girls from men’s attacks in every part of their lives; schools, workplaces, public places, in our own homes. Margaret Atwood reminds us, “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

There are nine men and four women in the core Two Cities team (69% male team). Of their additional contributors 77% are male. While Christianity is incredibly sexist, I’m not sure it is accurate to describe this as “predominantly representative”. I’m well aware there are many barriers to properly representative teams, hence why I worked with others to develop Project 3:28 and launch Speaker 3:28, a database for women speakers. However, when seeking to do better it’s important to recognise if it is predominantly still male.

I didn’t know when I saw the Two Cities advert that they were a progressive or inclusive organisation. I just saw four men discussing what Jesus learned from women. They could just as easily have been highly sexist men, for all their flyer showed. I would have called the issues out whoever had caused them, that it was people who are supposed to stand for the same stuff I do simply makes it more depressing.

I should ask the podcast why they hadn’t included women.

This takes us back to an earlier point. If we are committed to improving representation, it is up to each of us to ensure representation that is equitable and appropriate. It is as much McGrath’s responsibility, perhaps more so as he has set himself up as an expert on learning stuff from women, to ensure that women are part of the conversation.

Overall, taking a defensive approach to messing up is really not going to convince anyone that you are an ally. What it shows is that you didn’t notice at the time that there was a problem. That doesn’t make anyone beyond redemption or unforgivable, but it does need to be reflected on and for change to take place. Otherwise, those of us impacting by being ignored, silenced, shut down, going unnoticed are left assuming that, at the bottom of it all, you simply don’t care that much about us.

Farewell Evangelicalism

Back in 2016, I attended the Evangelical Alliance’s 170-year anniversary the same week as Trump was elected. I sat through the celebrations and back-patting about how brilliant they were and awaited the moment when someone would address the elephant in the room. Trump’s election and what it meant for UK evangelicalism when it was white US evangelicals who voted him in. As the speakers spoke about the split between US and UK evangelicals almost 200 years previously over American Christian support of slavery, I awaited someone making a parallel about Trump voters vs UK evangelicals. But it didn’t come.

The Spirit of God stirred in me, as it stirs in me now, and I wrote THIS blog expressing my deep concerns at the Evangelical Alliance’s position. At the time, I refused to leave evangelicalism. It is was the faith of my childhood, the faith of my healing. But over the four years since then, things have changed. There was no road to Damascus revelation accompanied by a “Farewell Evangelicalism” blog, but everyday faith with Jesus left me drifting away from Evangelicalism.

I am a white, working-class woman (married to a man) and since 2016 I stopped feeling at home with the “evangelical” label. I can’t imagine how much more painful this has been for black people or LGBT people. Over the last four years, the Evangelical Alliance has studiously ignored Trump, while objecting to a strong definition of “spiritual abuse” because (among other things) it might mean that Christians can’t express non-affirming views about LGBT sexuality without being seen as spiritually abusive. Their One People initiative attempts to promote racial justice, but with all the key people not involved in that project being white and nearly exclusive male, it seems rather tokenistic. Particularly when you remain silent about the racism and bigotry of your brothers and sisters in the US.

Then came the beginning of 2020, which Premier Christianity declared on its front cover as The Year of Evangelism. It’s first line declared “Jesus is going to headline London’s O2 Arena this year.” What they meant was that Franklin Graham was doing a UK evangelistic stadium tour. Yes, that very same Franklin Graham that THIS WEEK likened Trump to Jesus and Speaker Pelosi to Judas Iscariot for impeaching Trump after he orchestrated a coup. In January 2020, Evangelical Alliance Director, Peter Lynas, wrote an entire article about how efforts to ban the Franklin Graham tour were an attack on free speech, choosing to “two side” Franklin Graham, “Some see him as a bold prophetic voice, others see his political views as divisive and unhelpful.”

Well, free speech or not, COVID-19 put paid to the 2020 stadium tour, which does beg the question that if Jesus was planning to headline the O2 in 2020, why he didn’t give the tour planners a bit of a heads up. And 2020 grew tumultuously, culminating exactly four years after the 2016 Evangelical Alliance anniversary event in Joe Biden and (excitingly) Kamala Harris being elected to the White House.

Trump spent four years giving evangelical Christians the power they desperately wanted (it turns out the Holy Spirit’s power isn’t enough). In 2019 there was THAT photo of all the famous worship leaders praying for Trump. Sean Feucht (joined at times by Michael W Smith and Mike Pence) becoming known as a COVID-19 super spreader for his large worship gatherings. To such a degree that he proudly sells a “Jesus Christ Super Spreader” t-shirt on his website. Bethel church leaders, known for the many songs UK evangelicals like to sing, prophesying (along with many others) that Trump would win the election, with Bethal co-founder Beni Johnson inciting her followers to defy democracy after Biden and Harris won.

The Evangelical Alliance’s silence has been deafening over the last four years. They’ve managed to pull out all the theological stops to object to Christian safeguarding charity, ThirtyOne:Eight’s call for spiritual abuse to be defined and responded to, but they couldn’t speak out about the evil of American evangelicalism. Back in 2016, I thought evangelicalism was a Thing worth fighting for. Something to audaciously cling to, refusing to have it stolen by bigots and racists. But it turned out, the Evangelical Alliance didn’t agree.

Then in January 2021, after Trump had orchestrated a coup and been voted out, Evangelical Alliance CEO Gav Calver (whose father was Evangelical Alliance CEO years previously) was published in the Times declaring that now Trump is out of office he can “more confidently introduce myself, without fear of misunderstanding or connection to US politics: ‘Hi, I’m Gavin, I’m an evangelical Christian.’” Four years previously, Gav stood on a platform celebrating the 170 years of the Evangelical Alliance, in the week Trump got elected by US evangelicals and remained silent about it. As did most other UK evangelical leaders. Many of whom were delighted about the Franklin Graham stadium tour.

Unfortunately, this isn’t how culture works. Evangelicalism has become a toxic term, because leading evangelicals (and the Evangelical Alliance as a whole) have either supported Trump or remained silent. In the public consciousness (both in the US and the UK), “evangelical” means Trump voter. And to write an article so long after the horse has bolted, the children have been locked in cages, the pussies have been grabbed and democracy has been so thoroughly attacked (Gav says it was written in November 2020) to educate Times readers on what evangelicalism is really too little, far too late.

Four years on and I no longer feel a need to fight for the label evangelical, its leaders are not my leaders. They’ve not really been leading much for quite a while now. It turns out I can simply be a Christian, without clinging to an institution or an identity that thinks it can be rehabilitated without repentance, but simply with a whitewash ushered in by the end of Donald Trump’s presidency. Lord, have mercy.

Black Livelihoods Matter

As a white person, I have been reluctant to raise my voice in the many conversations about Black Lives Matter. In my own field, as a Gender Justice Specialist I am confident that well-meaning men coming in with their opinions rarely helps anyone. So before you read on, if you want some practical ways of making a difference regarding Black Lives Matter, scroll down to the “WHAT CAN YOU DO?” section where I suggest two brilliant women to support.

Years ago, I was in a Church home group discussing Jesus’ pronouncements on the rich. There was a sense in the group of othering the rich as “those people over there”, and I wanted to challenge the group with the idea that as people living in the West, we are The Rich. What I wanted to say was, “It’s all very well us assuming the rich are someone else, when our status compared to those elsewhere in the world is so much higher; let’s be careful about assuming that Jesus’ words to the rich don’t apply to us.” But what I actually ended up blurting out was, “Well as we’re all white here…” at which point I looked around and realised that of the six people present, only three of us were white. I mumbled on for a while, hoping the floor would swallow me up.

I’ve been delivering training recently, and within it we do a session on intersectionality. One of the things I find white people say when we talk about race is, “Well I don’t see colour, I just see people.” Which is basically the same as me in that church group. Even though I had been working to address male violence and had a good handle on the reality of power dynamics, I hadn’t noticed the impact of race for people who are not white. I didn’t even notice the races of the people in my own church group.

After I left the church group (by the door, given that the floor would not swallow me) I was ashamed of my ignorance. I had totally erased many important elements of the lives of those in the group. Their history and family, the depth and breadth of their identity, and the many challenges they face within a racist society. Me, with my passion for social justice and commitment to make power dynamics visible, was perpetuating the erasure of power differences IN A CONVERSATION ABOUT POWER DIFFERENCES. We must be perpetually vigilant to the ways we are blinded to injustice and oppression, even as we commit to being those who challenge injustice.

Last week, two Christians announced they were writing a book about “Just Leadership”. The authors are white men. I’m sure they think they can do justice to the subject (no pun intended), but the two biggest Western movements for justice in the last few years have been #MeToo and Black Lives Matter. Academic Robin DiAngelo points out in THIS video that,

“I can live my whole life in segregation, in fact if I followed the trajectory that my loving parents laid out for me, in my good neighbourhood and my good school, and my good college, and my good career, in which I would ideally rise to the top, I could easily never have any consistent, ongoing, authentic relationships with people of colour, and not one person who guided me ever conveyed that there was loss… [This shows that] there is no inherent value in the perspectives or experiences of people of colour. If my parents, schools, curriculum, teachers, government saw value in those perspectives, I would be given those perspectives. But I wasn’t given those perspectives.”

All the people involved in the Just Leadership book; the staff working for the publisher, the authors, and whoever encouraged the authors to put a proposal in, did not see that such a book would be less valuable with only white men writing it. This isn’t about tokenism or a need to tick the right demographic boxes. Rather it is recognising that there is great loss in not having the perspectives of black and minoritized people (including women), when we talk about any subject (most particularly on topics related to justice!).

Perhaps there may be a temptation for these authors to simply steal the ideas of consult with the nearest black people they know; however as THIS article points out, that is simply tokenism. It’s not solely about grabbing the nearest person of the right colour or sex and asking their views. There’s plenty of women who don’t believe misogyny exists; do they have the necessary expertise to address gender inequality? It’s unlikely. THIS article suggests another issue with this “consulting” approach; it is exploitative. As Latasha Morrison says within the article, “It’s not the responsibility of the ordinary Black person to educate white people. That, in itself, is oppressive…”

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

We need to do better. Taking time to read about race and educate ourselves (WITHOUT exploiting the time, labour and energy of black and minoritized people) is one way. Some books that might be helpful are:

“Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People about Race” by Reni Eddo Lodge
“The Black Christ” by Kelly Brown Douglas
“Sisters In the Wilderness” by Delores Williams
“I’m Still Here” by Austin Channing Brown
“We Need To Talk about Race” by Benjamin Lindsay
“Ghost Ship” by A.D.A France-Williams

But that is not enough, we need to offer financial support to those who are working to bring change. I would like to invite you to support my dear friends at Next Leadership, who have been working tirelessly for many years within contexts that are both sexist and racist. Rev Dr Kate Coleman and Rev Cham Kaur-Mann are legends, who need our support and encouragement. They run leadership programmes and would particularly like to spend more of their time working with those in the black community. However they need money to do that! If you would be able to support their work, either with a one-off donation or (preferably) give regularly to them, you can do so via bank transfer. Their bank details are:

Lloyds Bank

Account Name: Next Leadership
Sort code: 77-85-10
Account no: 36499668

If you could use “BLM” in the reference when you transfer money, they will then know to ringfence the money for their work within the black community. Also Kate’s book “7 Deadly Sins of Women in Leadership” is excitingly being republished by Zondervan, and you can find out more about it HERE.

#SheRises7

To celebrate the 10th anniversary of Rev Dr Kate Coleman’s book 7 Deadly Sins of Women in Leadership, I’m organising a Twitter book group to read through the book, one chapter per week. Kate’s organisation Next Leadership are encouraging people to run She Rises book groups and so I thought a Twitter Book Group would be a great idea!

Rather than having to all be online at the same time or anything like that, we’ll have the hashtag #SheRises7. As we read the book, we can tweet with the hashtag to share any thoughts or ideas. We can also read through the hashtag and comment on other people’s thoughts. And we’ll have a chapter hashtag to make clear which chapter we’re discussing (e.g. #int for introduction, #ch1 for chapter 1, #ch2 for chapter 2 and so on).

About ten women have told me they’re interesting in joining. Within the next couple of week’s the audiobook will be launched, so anyone who can’t manage reading it can participate using the audio book.

We’ll start with the Introduction on Monday 14th October, which gives women time to sign up, and also for those on limited budgets to have a bit of time to get the money together to buy it. If you would like to participate and can’t afford the book, let me know. If you would like to support women in participating by buying a book for a woman, let me know (especially men who are committed to supporting women’s leadership). My contact details are at the end of the blog.

This is the #sherises7 book group plan:

WEEK BEGINNING	CHAPTER	HASHTAG
14th October	Introduction	#int
21st October	Chapter 1	#ch1
28th October	Chapter 2	#ch2
4th November	Chapter 3	#ch3
11th November	Chapter 4	#ch4
18th November	Chapter 5	#ch5
25th November	Chapter 6	#ch6
2nd December	Chapter 7	#ch7
9th December	Overall reflections	#sherises7

If you’d like to join the book group, feel free to just start tweeting with #SheRises7, and join in with reading the book and tweeting from 14th October. However, if you’d like to be copied into tweets about the book group, to let you know where we’re up to and stuff, please can you tweet or dm me and I’ll add you to my list.

To contact me about needing a free book or to offer to buy a book for a woman, you can email on befreeuk (at) gmail (dot) com or direct message me on Twitter @God_loves_women.

Sermon Notes…

I preached at my local Churches Together unity service tonight and thought I’d post my notes in case anyone would like to read them… The theme of the service was justice and I preached from Amos 5:4 – 24

Each of us here is a beloved child of God. For those of us who have chosen Jesus, we are redeemed and set free by Jesus’ sacrifice and God’s grace. Yet, what are we dedicating our lives to? What are our priorities.
Slavery
- The slave Bible
- The EA in the UK
Colonialism
- Christianity spread across the world because the church partnered with the king/emperor
Women
- Anti-suffrage
- Anti-women’s rights of all kinds
- Still people who they personally, or their denomination, who don’t believe I should preach
Yet still the Spirit moves
Those who fought for justice were the outliers of their time:
- Martin Luther – removing hierarchy)
- William Wilberforce – RSPCA, criminalising slavery
- Lord Shaftesbury (Anthony Ashley Cooper) – child labour, worker’s rights
- Mary Wollstonecraft – women’s rights
- Josephine Butler – helped women exploited in prostitution
- Sarah and Angelina Grimke – fought against slavery and women’s oppression
- Sojourner Truth – fought against slavery and for women’s rights
- Martin Luther King – civil rights movement
Do we want to be part of the dominant group who remain steadfastly against moving towards a more just society? Are we going to be the people who say:
- Our job is just to keep the order as it is until Jesus returns. Nothing needs to change in the order of the world, just in my heart, in my personal relationship with Jesus.
- Napoleon: “What is it that makes the poor man take it for granted that ten chimneys smoke in my palace while he dies of the cold – that I have ten changes of raiment in my wardrobe while he is naked – that on my table at each meal there is enough to sustain a family for a week? It is religion, which says to him that in another life I shall be his equal, indeed that he has a better chance of being happy there than I have.”

Or do we want to be one of the outliers, one of those who works for more justice, for all people to flourish. As Christian Aid’s slogan goes, do we believe in life before death?
- Or are we propping the injustice of the Napoleons of this world by only advocating for justice after Jesus returns. A justice which colludes with oppression, abuse and violence?

Amos vs. 4 and 6: Seek me and live.
- But what does that mean?
- Orthodoxy and/or orthopraxy
- Rohr: “The ego diverts your attention from anything that would ask youto change to righteous causes that invariably ask othersto change.”
  - When you look at what your faith requires, does it require more of you changing now? Not previously, when you first became a Christian? But now? Or is your faith one which is more focussed on what others need to change? Are you more interested in debates about a sexuality that you personally don’t have, or in examining your own personal sinfulness?
- Bonhoeffer: “Only he who believes is obedient and only he who is obedient believes.” (page 63)
  - Bonhoeffer existed at a time where the majority of Christians in Germany had aligned themselves with the Nazis. At first Hitler and his regime supported the Church, advocated for Jesus and the church. And Christians at that time were delighted! At last, we get to be taken seriously again, after a time when secularism had been growing thanks to the enlightenment which had, in many places, challenged the idea that God even existed.
  - Hitler declared his mission to be from God and in relationship with Jesus. And Christians generally accepted this.
  - Martin Luther, who we celebrate as the founder of the Reformation, in 1543 wrote a 65,000-word treatise on “The Jews and their lies”, referring to Jews as “poisonous envenomed worms”. Though it is a complex path to trace through history, it is simply not incidental that the Holocaust happened in Germany, the same country Martin Luther had 400 years previously published this terrible and horrifying anti-Semitism.
  - With hindsight, we can see that Martin Luther was atrociously wrong, and that the Christians who supported Hitler were horrifically wrong.
  - But where will future generations see us? Will we be on the side of justice or injustice? It might be that you say, “I want to be on the side of Jesus”. But all of these people thought they were on the side of Jesus; Martin Luther with his anti-Semitism, the crusaders who slaughtered anyone who wouldn’t forcibly convert to Christianity, slave owners, the Christians who accompanied colonial forces across the world – enslaving and oppressing entire nations in the name of power and progress, Nazi supporters, opponents of women’s suffrage. What does it mean to work for justice?

This is a service for Christian unity. What does unity mean? Bonhoeffer wrote eloquently about the ways the German church were offering cheap grace and denying the full power of the Gospel. Was he dividing the church? Or seeking to reunify it around the truth of the Gospel? What are we united by? Believing the same thing or working together for a more just society?

Unity is a complicated word at the moment isn’t it? We have a country completely divided by that dread word, du-du-duuuuuuuu: Brexit!
- Me and husband voted different ways, so we are living proof that brexiteers and remainers can stay friends.
- Yet, with the existing fragmentation in the church, Brexit has become yet another fragmentation. And people have very strong feelings on it, not least because for people of colour and immigrants, Brexit has led to huge increases in the amount of racism and xenophobia they are subjected to.
- There are some Christians who would say that politics isn’t something we should be involved in, and when it comes to party politics there is an argument for that.
- However, more generally politics is just a fancy way of saying “how do we organise our society?”And democracy in the West is itself the fruit of Christians working for justice.
- So while party politics is a different animal, when it comes to Christians engaging politically, we have a responsibility to act for justice, as the passage from Amos reminds us.
  - ¹¹Therefore because you trample on the poor
    and take from them levies of grain,
    you have built houses of hewn stone,
    but you shall not live in them;
    you have planted pleasant vineyards,
    but you shall not drink their wine.
    ¹²For I know how many are your transgressions,
    and how great are your sins—
    you who afflict the righteous, who take a bribe,
    and push aside the needy in the gate.
    - It’s easy to read this and see ourselves as innocent; we haven’t taken a bribe!
    - But have we pushed aside the needy?
    - When we vote, do we vote for whichever party is going to centre the needy? It’s amazing that churches together are running these ministries that help homeless and vulnerable people, but what are we doing to prevent these sorts of services being needed? In recent years, homelessness has risen by 165%, that is not okay. Families in one of the richest nations in the world cannot afford to feed their children. How is that okay? Are we committed to eradicating homelessness? To ensuring every family can feed themselves? To ensuring that every person is valued and treated with dignity and respect?
    - As Archbishop Helder Pessoa Camara said, “When I give food to the poor they call me a Saint.When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.”
  - Verse 14: ¹¹Therefore because you trample on the poor
    - When we go shopping to we consider which brands to buy based on whether they trample on the poor? Nestle have tried to argue that water is not a human right. Lynx used highly sexualised women to advertise their products. Some high street clothing brands use child labour and slave labour. When we buy something we vote for its values and support its ethics (or lack of them). Do we seek to ensure that our purchases don’t trample the poor? The climate crisis worldwide is affecting the poorest. What are we doing to limit our consumption? To change the climate crisis? Because inevitably the poorest will be worst affected by climate changes.
    - How are we bringing justice?

¹⁸Alas for you who desire the day of the Lord!
Why do you want the day of the Lord?
It is darkness, not light;
¹⁹ as if someone fled from a lion,
and was met by a bear;
or went into the house and rested a hand against the wall,
and was bitten by a snake.
²⁰Is not the day of the Lord darkness, not light,
and gloom with no brightness in it?

²¹I hate, I despise your festivals,
and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies.
²²Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings,
I will not accept them;
and the offerings of well-being of your fatted animals
I will not look upon.
²³Take away from me the noise of your songs;
I will not listen to the melody of your harps.
²⁴But let justice roll down like waters,
and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

This is a prophetic word for our time. How many Christians are awaiting Jesus’ return, so that all can be well, but are not acting to make things better right now?
If justice is not rolling down like water, if righteousness is not an ever-flowing stream, then God will despise our festivals, He will take no delight in our solemn assemblies.

The legacy of many of our church mothers and fathers has been a more just society; free education, free healthcare, care of children, worker’s rights, women’s rights, the criminalisation of slavery, the civil rights movements, liberation theology and more.
- When Jesus’ mother praises God for her pregnancy she sings this:
  - God’s mercy is from generation to generation
    on those who fear Him.
    He has shown might with His arm,
    He has scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart.
    He has put down the mighty from their thrones,
    and has exalted the lowly.
    He has filled the hungry with good things,
    and the rich He has sent away empty.
    - She sings of justice.
  - When Jesus announces His ministry in temple He says:
    - “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
      because he has anointed me
      to bring good news to the poor.
      He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives
      and recovery of sight to the blind,
      to let the oppressed go free,
      ¹⁹to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
      - He announces justice.
    - Are we the mighty who will be put down from our thrones and the rich that will be sent away empty? How can we be in solidarity with the most vulnerable? How can we become a people known for our work towards justice? How can that become one of the things that we are united around? I’m not sure I have many answers, but often it starts with acknowledging our failures, or as the Bible calls it And then seeking God’s wisdom in how He is calling us to do justice.

Jesus transforms us and calls us to obedience, but now we are saved, what are we going to do with our freedom?
- Let us pray.

	maxward1 on The Soul Survivor Situation…
	LauraC on Open Letter to Stormie Om…
	missjillyp on Finally breathing out
	Beverley Murrill on Finally breathing out
	rachelriveros on Finally breathing out

	maxward1 on The Soul Survivor Situation…
	LauraC on Open Letter to Stormie Om…
	missjillyp on Finally breathing out
	Beverley Murrill on Finally breathing out
	rachelriveros on Finally breathing out

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